Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Test Results...
So I went in to the doctors again today and was finally given my test results regarding my thyroid...I'm a little confused but I guess they came back okay. Ultrasound came back okay (I sure did a good job freaking myself out about that!).. FT3 was 3.3pg/ml (normal being 2.5-3.9) & TSI 47% (normal 0-139)... So now I'm left wondering why they ran all those tests in the first place and just started referring to my condition as "hyperthyroid" when my TSH was just 0.28? Ohh well!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Hyperthyroidism?!
Well today's post isn't so much about anxiety, or maybe it kind of is?- I'm not sure where to start- I guess the beginning! :).......
I went to the doctor a little over a week ago to have some blood work done (just a routine physical)- One of my new year's resolutions was to stop worrying so much about my health (haha hypochondria much?) and I'd been doing a pretty good job with that! I didn't think twice about the blood work and was anxious to see if my cholesterol had gone down from the high test result when I was on Effexor XR..Well my cholesterol did go down (back in the low/normal range!) BUT my thyroid test came back with the result of a hyperactive thyroid! :( Something that wouldn't have even crossed my mind as I've never had any "abnormal" test results besides the elevated cholesterol while taking Effexor XR. Unfortunately my doctor hasn't been in the office for 4 days now and won't return until Monday- SO I've had the pleasure of only dealing with the doctor's assistants, nurses and receptionists while trying to figure out what the heck is going on with my thyroid! They immediately scheduled me for an ultrasound and further blood testing (per my doctor) and all they can tell me is my TSH was 0.28 and should have been between 0.35-5.6, so the low TSH means hyperthyroidism. I'm afraid (worrying again!) that the ultrasound didn't look quite right, even though the technician would tell me absolutely NOTHING, but she sure was highlighting, measuring and tracing a bunch of lumps on her screen- All she could tell me was that she didn't know how to read the results and my doctor would get back to me! haha Which in my mind is "There is something going on with your thyroid and your doctor will discuss what she wants to do next after she gets the results!" For not knowing how to "read" the results she was sure doing a great job isolating, measuring and highlighting whatever she was looking at! ;) But I know she's not supposed to tell me the results and a doctor would have to look at it first haha so I'm definitely not blaming her.
So I'm not sure if I should be freaked out, or if this is just all normal as I've never dealt with thyroid issues? I'll tell you that google sure does have an abundance of information on all of the possible and not so possible, worst case scenarios, and really isn't helping much as far as calming my mind and nerves goes! I'm sure I'd feel better if I would have had a chance to talk to my doctor about the results, but that didn't happen so I'm putting the pieces together on my own (self-diagnosing!) which isn't good! So I'm going to try to relax and stop googling! I mean what control do I have over the outcome, or well what control does working myself up give me over the outcome, NOTHING! So I'm just going to try to relax and take things as they come. :) haha I'll let you know how I do with that!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Back To School!
Well yesterday was my first day back to school! I'd missed a few days before the break due to car problems (a whole other LONG story! BLAH!), so had to go in early and take a test! I did well on the test though...I'm not always great with tests, sometimes no matter how much I study the minute I sit down for the exam and start getting nervous my mind goes blank <----Which makes me more nervous, haha and I end up not doing so well! It's only after the test I can think clearly again and realize I did actually know all the material I was just tested over! But I'm getting a lot better with these written tests! I'm sure oral exams are going to be a whole different story! haha
So I am already almost half way through my year! The half way point will be March 1...So I am almost there! I'm really surprised how quickly this first half is going for me, and nervous/excited for the 2nd half! But with the second half comes a lot of possible panic inducing experiences!
*Oral Examinations/Practical Examinations!= These are absolutely possibly the most terrifying part of the whole class for me. So far I've been able to dodge all the in front of the class public speaking, (I have had to address small groups of 6-8 often, which I'm getting used to little by little, but still use some type of benzo to get thru it)...The practical exams are basically everything that sends me into panic mode rolled into one! It's basically 2 hours of various teachers walking around (anticipatory anxiety!) the classroom asking you RANDOM questions from what we've learned this year, in one night I'll be dealing with 5 different instructors asking me to demonstrate (on another individual) and answer whatever they have for me (performance anxiety? UH YES!) Then it will be my turn to have 2 hours laying on the table while my partner uses me to demonstrate/and answer their questions! I will have a total of 6 of these exams, and they will be once a month from March- graduation. I'm not in anyway hoping to conquer these without the help of a benzo/propranolol (?) just yet, I guess my first goal is just to get through one with the help of a prescribed medication!
*Clinical Hours!= This is where I'll begin taking my own appointments! I'll need to get 200 clinical hours over the next 6 months! I don't know if this will always be SO scary to me, or if it will seem easier after I do it a couple of times? Basically I will be having my own clients starting as soon as next week, it will be my job to review their charts, chart any new developments/discomforts/improvements, discuss any current complaints they have (health wise) and try to figure out what I can do to make them feel better! These clients know they're coming in, paying (the school not me!) to see students, and have agreed to fill out evaluations each time they see one of us.. I'm not sure what scares me so much about these situations.. Lack of confidence maybe? Fear of having a panic attack while trying to work with a client? So once again here is another situation where my goal is not to get through the situation medication-free, but rather to get through the situation!
*One last situation that causes me anxiety is a graded evaluation of my ability to do all of the above but with an instructor as my pretend client! This is coming up very soon too (weeks?), and I'm quite nervous about this as well. This will be an hour long session where I will have to treat one of my instructors as my client and go through all the motions as if they were a client. This is just scary for obvious reasons I think! :) UGH!
So I feel very excited and accomplished to have made it this far, but at the same time nervous for what the future brings! I know there has got to be a way to get through these obstacles (fear inducing situations!) at first with medication, and then eventually hopefully medication free! I'm sure I'll have lots to write about in the upcoming months!
So I am already almost half way through my year! The half way point will be March 1...So I am almost there! I'm really surprised how quickly this first half is going for me, and nervous/excited for the 2nd half! But with the second half comes a lot of possible panic inducing experiences!
*Oral Examinations/Practical Examinations!= These are absolutely possibly the most terrifying part of the whole class for me. So far I've been able to dodge all the in front of the class public speaking, (I have had to address small groups of 6-8 often, which I'm getting used to little by little, but still use some type of benzo to get thru it)...The practical exams are basically everything that sends me into panic mode rolled into one! It's basically 2 hours of various teachers walking around (anticipatory anxiety!) the classroom asking you RANDOM questions from what we've learned this year, in one night I'll be dealing with 5 different instructors asking me to demonstrate (on another individual) and answer whatever they have for me (performance anxiety? UH YES!) Then it will be my turn to have 2 hours laying on the table while my partner uses me to demonstrate/and answer their questions! I will have a total of 6 of these exams, and they will be once a month from March- graduation. I'm not in anyway hoping to conquer these without the help of a benzo/propranolol (?) just yet, I guess my first goal is just to get through one with the help of a prescribed medication!
*Clinical Hours!= This is where I'll begin taking my own appointments! I'll need to get 200 clinical hours over the next 6 months! I don't know if this will always be SO scary to me, or if it will seem easier after I do it a couple of times? Basically I will be having my own clients starting as soon as next week, it will be my job to review their charts, chart any new developments/discomforts/improvements, discuss any current complaints they have (health wise) and try to figure out what I can do to make them feel better! These clients know they're coming in, paying (the school not me!) to see students, and have agreed to fill out evaluations each time they see one of us.. I'm not sure what scares me so much about these situations.. Lack of confidence maybe? Fear of having a panic attack while trying to work with a client? So once again here is another situation where my goal is not to get through the situation medication-free, but rather to get through the situation!
*One last situation that causes me anxiety is a graded evaluation of my ability to do all of the above but with an instructor as my pretend client! This is coming up very soon too (weeks?), and I'm quite nervous about this as well. This will be an hour long session where I will have to treat one of my instructors as my client and go through all the motions as if they were a client. This is just scary for obvious reasons I think! :) UGH!
So I feel very excited and accomplished to have made it this far, but at the same time nervous for what the future brings! I know there has got to be a way to get through these obstacles (fear inducing situations!) at first with medication, and then eventually hopefully medication free! I'm sure I'll have lots to write about in the upcoming months!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
New Year's Resolutions!
Well today is the last day of 2011, and I don't normally make "New Year's Resolutions". I feel like the minute I say something aloud, "I'm going to go to the gym for an hour everyday for 3 months", I find myself losing motivation to stick with it! I'm cautious about making any about my anxiety/panic disorder because I feel like just saying something like "I will no longer let my anxiety keep me from doing ______", the anxiety in that situation will become so unbearable it will keep me from doing _____... haha! Which is really a silly thing to think, but still it's in the back of my mind!
Even after saying all that, I think I'll go ahead and make some New Year's Resolutions for 2012, some goals to start the year off with...
For years I've been an on-and-off vegetarian..My reasoning behind this is mostly of an ethical/health conscience nature. I do eat fish regularly though. I have considered eating meat if locally raised/ free range, humanely treated, but have come to the conclusion that I really don't want to eat meat. Growing up both my mom and grandma were vegetarians, so meat-free meals aren't new to me. But I've found it extremely hard to avoid meat all the time, for example dinners with in-laws, I hate inconveniencing anyone and will typically eat what is served instead of being "difficult".. This year I would like to try to stick with a vegetarian diet (with the exception of fish!)..
My husband and I both enjoy eating out..while we rarely eat fast food we love trying new restaurants! As hard as it is to say I know a lot of the money we could be putting away is being wasted during these outings! Another goal I'd like to set is that we cut back on eating out.
Anxiety-wise I have a few...
I would love to start caring less what others think of me! This has always been something I've struggled with, and has held me back from doing many things! I feel like if I were able to overcome this a lot of my anxiety would disappear, because once that fear of judgement is gone there isn't much left to "panic" about..
I've mentioned that I'm back in school, and I am anticipating an uncomfortable 6 months once practicals and clinicals begin! I've been dreading these last few months since the program began, but I know I'm capable of doing it. I'd like to stop focusing so much on my anxiety and catastrophic thoughts (I can already see myself failing before I've even begun!)
Lastly I've noticed that I tend to worry a lot whether it's about the health of myself and others, or something that's happening months down the road! It is so draining/exhausting and such an absolute waste of energy! Normally there is nothing productive that comes out of me obsessively worrying... While a little bit of concern/ awareness can be beneficial, obsessive worrying isn't. It changes nothing. I'd like to spend less time this year worrying, especially about things I have absolutely no control over! I plan to be more conscious of when I'm just worrying to worry, and stop the thoughts there..
:-) Happy New Year!!!
Even after saying all that, I think I'll go ahead and make some New Year's Resolutions for 2012, some goals to start the year off with...
For years I've been an on-and-off vegetarian..My reasoning behind this is mostly of an ethical/health conscience nature. I do eat fish regularly though. I have considered eating meat if locally raised/ free range, humanely treated, but have come to the conclusion that I really don't want to eat meat. Growing up both my mom and grandma were vegetarians, so meat-free meals aren't new to me. But I've found it extremely hard to avoid meat all the time, for example dinners with in-laws, I hate inconveniencing anyone and will typically eat what is served instead of being "difficult".. This year I would like to try to stick with a vegetarian diet (with the exception of fish!)..
My husband and I both enjoy eating out..while we rarely eat fast food we love trying new restaurants! As hard as it is to say I know a lot of the money we could be putting away is being wasted during these outings! Another goal I'd like to set is that we cut back on eating out.
Anxiety-wise I have a few...
I would love to start caring less what others think of me! This has always been something I've struggled with, and has held me back from doing many things! I feel like if I were able to overcome this a lot of my anxiety would disappear, because once that fear of judgement is gone there isn't much left to "panic" about..
I've mentioned that I'm back in school, and I am anticipating an uncomfortable 6 months once practicals and clinicals begin! I've been dreading these last few months since the program began, but I know I'm capable of doing it. I'd like to stop focusing so much on my anxiety and catastrophic thoughts (I can already see myself failing before I've even begun!)
Lastly I've noticed that I tend to worry a lot whether it's about the health of myself and others, or something that's happening months down the road! It is so draining/exhausting and such an absolute waste of energy! Normally there is nothing productive that comes out of me obsessively worrying... While a little bit of concern/ awareness can be beneficial, obsessive worrying isn't. It changes nothing. I'd like to spend less time this year worrying, especially about things I have absolutely no control over! I plan to be more conscious of when I'm just worrying to worry, and stop the thoughts there..
:-) Happy New Year!!!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Herbal Remedies for Anxiety...
It's really important to talk to your doctor and research for yourself before adding any of these herbal remedies, especially if you are on medication, as you can have adverse reactions. Not all of these will work or be safe for each individual, so do your research... :)
That said, I bought quite a few new herbal remedies specifically for anxiety! :) I think I've already mentioned my all time favorite quick fix called "Chill", it's sold at Herbally Grounded. It helps me to relax in the same way a mild dose of xanax or ativan would, it truly works well for me.
I also think I mentioned that I was surprised with a gift certificate to HG for Christmas, so I was able to buy all the herbal remedies (plus some!) I'd "thought" about trying- I'll give them all a try over the course of the year and update back which work out best for me! But I thought I'd make a list of herbs that may be beneficial for the treatment of anxiety. :)
*Bee's Royal Jelly
*Chamomile
*Damiana
*Ginkgo
*Ginseng
*Hops
*Kava Kava
*Lemon Grass
*Passion Flower
*St. John's Wort
*Schizandra
*Scullcap
*Squaw Vine
*Valerian
*Wild Lettuce
*Zizyphus
That said, I bought quite a few new herbal remedies specifically for anxiety! :) I think I've already mentioned my all time favorite quick fix called "Chill", it's sold at Herbally Grounded. It helps me to relax in the same way a mild dose of xanax or ativan would, it truly works well for me.
I also think I mentioned that I was surprised with a gift certificate to HG for Christmas, so I was able to buy all the herbal remedies (plus some!) I'd "thought" about trying- I'll give them all a try over the course of the year and update back which work out best for me! But I thought I'd make a list of herbs that may be beneficial for the treatment of anxiety. :)
*Bee's Royal Jelly
*Chamomile
*Damiana
*Ginkgo
*Ginseng
*Hops
*Kava Kava
*Lemon Grass
*Passion Flower
*St. John's Wort
*Schizandra
*Scullcap
*Squaw Vine
*Valerian
*Wild Lettuce
*Zizyphus
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Winter Vacation Updates
My winter vacation has been wonderful so far! I can't say enough how great it is to be back in Las Vegas, and with family. For me classes start back up on the 3rd of January, which is a day I also have a huge test! So I've spent a lot of time in my bedroom studying. I would post more, but really nothing too eventful has happened... Anxiety hasn't been much of an issue for me thus far (ha once I got off the flight!), I do still get those little bouts of nervousness when I realize how long I've been anxiety free, but that normally happens anytime I'm anxiety free for too long.
I guess one time that really sticks out for me was visiting a friends house. I went over there to say hi to he and his sisters, his mom wasn't home and the girls suggested I wait a little while for her to get home so she could say hi! Up until that point I forgot about anxiety, I had no anxiety going over there, but when it came to having to wait there for her and her husband to get home I suddenly wanted out of the situation and felt trapped! Silly, I know! Nothing big came of it, and the feeling eventually went away. I wonder why I didn't feel anxious when the greeting was on my own terms? But suddenly when I wasn't "in control" of the situation the anxiety kicked in, this is a pattern I see a lot!
While I've been in Las Vegas I had a chance to visit one of my favorite stores- "Herbally Grounded" This is a store I absolutely LOVE! I went shopping and bought quite a few new herbs/vitamins/products that are supposed to be helpful for those suffering with anxiety/panic disorder and some I already love- Hopefully in one of these next posts I'll be able to share some of them! :)
I guess one time that really sticks out for me was visiting a friends house. I went over there to say hi to he and his sisters, his mom wasn't home and the girls suggested I wait a little while for her to get home so she could say hi! Up until that point I forgot about anxiety, I had no anxiety going over there, but when it came to having to wait there for her and her husband to get home I suddenly wanted out of the situation and felt trapped! Silly, I know! Nothing big came of it, and the feeling eventually went away. I wonder why I didn't feel anxious when the greeting was on my own terms? But suddenly when I wasn't "in control" of the situation the anxiety kicked in, this is a pattern I see a lot!
While I've been in Las Vegas I had a chance to visit one of my favorite stores- "Herbally Grounded" This is a store I absolutely LOVE! I went shopping and bought quite a few new herbs/vitamins/products that are supposed to be helpful for those suffering with anxiety/panic disorder and some I already love- Hopefully in one of these next posts I'll be able to share some of them! :)
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Lack of follow through?
Well I didn't follow through with what I planned to do..I was hoping to update from the flight but didn't have a wifi connection. I did end up taking the alprazolam (Xanax)..it made the experience a little better although not a whole lot-dreading the flight back but still have quite a few more days before I have to prepare for that!-Thankfully! Hopefully I can follow through and add some updates! I feel like that could help?
On another note:
Happy Holidays to everyone! My Christmas was wonderful! I really missed my husband and wish he could have been here, but really enjoyed being with my family! Had a few Christmas surprises this morning that I absolutely loved! So thankful!
Last night I drank a little too much wine so definitely suffered this morning as far as anxiety goes! I don't normally drink much as it's pretty much the worst thing I can do for my anxiety, I then guarantee myself a panic-filled next day! But I survived and made it through the day with minimal (could have been much much worse) anxiety! Thankfully I had nowhere I needed to be, and could lay around all day until the anxiety passed. Anyone else experience high anxiety the day after indulging in a little too much drinking?
On another note:
Happy Holidays to everyone! My Christmas was wonderful! I really missed my husband and wish he could have been here, but really enjoyed being with my family! Had a few Christmas surprises this morning that I absolutely loved! So thankful!
Last night I drank a little too much wine so definitely suffered this morning as far as anxiety goes! I don't normally drink much as it's pretty much the worst thing I can do for my anxiety, I then guarantee myself a panic-filled next day! But I survived and made it through the day with minimal (could have been much much worse) anxiety! Thankfully I had nowhere I needed to be, and could lay around all day until the anxiety passed. Anyone else experience high anxiety the day after indulging in a little too much drinking?
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