Test Results...

So I went in to the doctors again today and was finally given my test results regarding my thyroid...I'm a little confused but I guess they came back okay. Ultrasound came back okay (I sure did a good job freaking myself out about that!).. FT3 was 3.3pg/ml (normal being 2.5-3.9) & TSI 47% (normal 0-139)... So now I'm left wondering why they ran all those tests in the first place and just started referring to my condition as "hyperthyroid" when my TSH was just 0.28? Ohh well! 

Hyperthyroidism?!

Well today's post isn't so much about anxiety, or maybe it kind of is?- I'm not sure where to start- I guess the beginning! :).......

 I went to the doctor a little over a week ago to have some blood work done (just a routine physical)- One of my new year's resolutions was to stop worrying so much about my health (haha hypochondria much?) and I'd been doing a pretty good job with that! I didn't think twice about the blood work and was anxious to see if my cholesterol had gone down from the high test result when I was on Effexor XR..Well my cholesterol did go down (back in the low/normal range!) BUT my thyroid test came back with the result of a hyperactive thyroid! :( Something that wouldn't have even crossed my mind as I've never had any "abnormal" test results besides the elevated cholesterol while taking Effexor XR. Unfortunately my doctor hasn't been in the office for 4 days now and won't return until Monday- SO I've had the pleasure of only dealing with the doctor's assistants, nurses and receptionists while trying to figure out what the heck is going on with my thyroid! They immediately scheduled me for an ultrasound and further blood testing (per my doctor) and all they can tell me is my TSH was 0.28 and should have been between 0.35-5.6, so the low TSH means hyperthyroidism. I'm afraid (worrying again!) that the ultrasound didn't look quite right, even though the technician would tell me absolutely NOTHING, but she sure was highlighting, measuring and tracing a bunch of lumps on her screen- All she could tell me was that she didn't know how to read the results and my doctor would get back to me! haha Which in my mind is "There is something going on with your thyroid and your doctor will discuss what she wants to do next after she gets the results!" For not knowing how to "read" the results she was sure doing a great job isolating, measuring and highlighting whatever she was looking at! ;) But I know she's not supposed to tell me the results and a doctor would have to look at it first haha so I'm definitely not blaming her. 

So I'm not sure if I should be freaked out, or if this is just all normal as I've never dealt with thyroid issues? I'll tell you that google sure does have an abundance of information on all of the possible and not so possible, worst case scenarios, and really isn't helping much as far as calming my mind and nerves goes! I'm sure I'd feel better if I would have had a chance to talk to my doctor about the results, but that didn't happen so I'm putting the pieces together on my own (self-diagnosing!) which isn't good! So I'm going to try to relax and stop googling! I mean what control do I have over the outcome, or well what control does working myself up give me over the outcome, NOTHING! So I'm just going to try to relax and take things as they come. :) haha I'll let you know how I do with that!

Back To School!

Well yesterday was my first day back to school! I'd missed a few days before the break due to car problems (a whole other LONG story! BLAH!), so had to go in early and take a test! I did well on the test though...I'm not always great with tests, sometimes no matter how much I study the minute I sit down for the exam and start getting nervous my mind goes blank <----Which makes me more nervous, haha and I end up not doing so well! It's only after the test I can think clearly again and realize I did actually know all the material I was just tested over! But I'm getting a lot better with these written tests! I'm sure oral exams are going to be a whole different story! haha

So I am already almost half way through my year! The half way point will be March 1...So I am almost there! I'm really surprised how quickly this first half is going for me, and nervous/excited for the 2nd half! But with the second half comes a lot of possible panic inducing experiences!

*Oral Examinations/Practical Examinations!= These are absolutely possibly the most terrifying part of the whole class for me. So far I've been able to dodge all the in front of the class public speaking, (I have had to address small groups of 6-8 often, which I'm getting used to little by little, but still use some type of benzo to get thru it)...The practical exams are basically everything that sends me into panic mode rolled into one! It's basically 2 hours of various teachers walking around (anticipatory anxiety!) the classroom asking you RANDOM questions from what we've learned this year, in one night I'll be dealing with 5 different instructors asking me to demonstrate (on another individual) and answer whatever they have for me (performance anxiety? UH YES!) Then it will be my turn to have 2 hours laying on the table while my partner uses me to demonstrate/and answer their questions!  I will have a total of 6 of these exams, and they will be once a month from March- graduation. I'm not in anyway hoping to conquer these without the help of a benzo/propranolol (?) just yet, I guess my first goal is just to get through one with the help of a prescribed medication!

*Clinical Hours!= This is where I'll begin taking my own appointments! I'll need to get 200 clinical hours over the next 6 months! I don't know if this will always be SO scary to me, or if it will seem easier after I do it a couple of times? Basically I will be having my own clients starting as soon as next week, it will be my job to review their charts, chart any new developments/discomforts/improvements, discuss any current complaints they have (health wise) and try to figure out what I can do to make them feel better! These clients know they're coming in, paying (the school not me!) to see students, and have agreed to fill out evaluations each time they see one of us.. I'm not sure what scares me so much about these situations.. Lack of confidence maybe? Fear of having a panic attack while trying to work with a client? So once again here is another situation where my goal is not to get through the situation medication-free, but rather to get through the situation!

*One last situation that causes me anxiety is a graded evaluation of my ability to do all of the above but with an instructor as my pretend client! This is coming up very soon too (weeks?), and I'm quite nervous about this as well. This will be an hour long session where I will have to treat one of my instructors as my client and go through all the motions as if they were a client. This is just scary for obvious reasons I think! :) UGH!

So I feel very excited and accomplished to have made it this far, but at the same time nervous for what the future brings! I know there has got to be a way to get through these obstacles (fear inducing situations!) at first with medication, and then eventually hopefully medication free! I'm sure I'll have lots to write about in the upcoming months!